For fun I thought of givin some jokes.......Dont mind.....

NASA

It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime.

As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.

He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars."

He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown.

He said, "But that's impossible . . . we could never do it. . . yes Mr.. President," and hung up the phone.

He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars . . . he wants us to try to find it in Congress."

2 will be fine for da first day......Have fun.....If any other jokes needed then please do inform.....

....Shadeslayer....

Praying for a Bike

A little boy wanted $100 to buy a new bike, and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up and decided to send it to the President. The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5.00. He thought that this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank-you letter to God, which read:

Dear God;
Thank you very much for the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington. As usual, they deducted $95.00 for themselves.

How Dogs and Men Are the Same

Both take up too much space on the bed.

Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.

Both are threatened by their own kind.

Both like to chew wood.

Both mark their territory.

Both are bad at asking you questions.

Neither tells you what's bothering them.

Both tend to smell riper with age.

The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

Neither does any dishes.

Both fart shamelessly.

Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.

Both like dominance games.

Both are suspicious of the postman.

Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.

Neither understands what you see in cats.

Olympics

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate.

Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.

While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea.

Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted.

The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site.

When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted.

The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in.

Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."

3 Wishes

Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish are out walking along the beach together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.

The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."

So, with a blink of the Genie's eye "FOOM" the oceans were teaming with fish.

The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity."

Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye "POOF" there was a huge wall around England.

The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."

The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."

Confession

Young O'Donnell rushed into a church, placed his rifle under a pew and entered the confessional.

"Father," he said breathlessly, "I've just shot down two British lieutenants!"

Hearing no response he went on: "I also knocked off a British captain!"

When there was still no response from the priest, O'Donnell said, "Father, have ye fainted?"

"Of course I haven't fainted," replied the confessor. "I'm waitin' for you to stop talkin' politics and commence confessin' your sins!"

Bad Q & A's

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: A fsh

Q: What do you call a fly without wings?
A: A walk.

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q: What happens if you get a gigabyte?
A: It megahertz.

Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.

Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a dandelion in its mouth.

Q: Did you hear about the two ships that collided at sea?
A: One was carrying red paint and the other was carrying blue paint. All the sailors ended up being marooned.

Q: What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
A: Dam.

Q: How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?
A: Wi' Jammin.

Q: What does Bob Marley say to his friends when he buys doughnuts?
A: Hope you like Jammin too.

Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
A: Nothing. It just let out a little wine.

Q: Why did the man get the sack from the orange juice factory? A: Because he couldn't concentrate.

Q: What's ET short for?
A: Because he's only got little legs.

Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.

Q: What do you call an empty bottle of Cheeze-Whiz?
A: Cheeze-Was.

Q: Why was the mummy tense and stressed?
A: He was all wound up.

Q: Why are skeletons scared?
A: They're easily rattled.

Q: Why was the broom late to pick up the witch?
A: It over swept.

Q: Did you hear about the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
A: He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.


Thats for now.....